sidewalk etiquette

[angledge]

Is there an accepted set of rules for walking on the sidewalk? I've always felt that sidewalks should be treated like roads. For example, if you live in the United States, you should walk on the right side of the sidewalk (like you drive on the right side of the road), pass on the left, & if you have to stop, move over so you aren't blocking the progress of others.

Obviously, Brits & other left-side-driving weirdos should also walk on the left side of the sidewalk.

Do these simple rules exist only in my own head, or do other people know them too?

***cross-posted to rq_version2***

Comments

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

And Yahweh spake unto Moses, and said "Heed my laws, for they shall guide you in the great cities unto the end of days." And He wrote His commandments on two slabs of pavement. But lo, they were too heavy for Moses, so Yahweh abbreviated His Word somewhat.

1. Upon the sidewalk, thou shalt behave as though it were the road, and lanes shall be established, that the hasty may have dominion over the slow, that those who travel in opposite directions may not come into contact with one another, and that those who power-walk might safely bypass those who gawk.

2. Thou shalt not come to a cessation of motion in the sidewalk, for it angers Yahweh God, and He shalt smite thee. And if He does not, He shalt permit others on the sidewalk to act as His hands, and they shalt smite thee in His name.

3. Thou shalt attend to thine surroundings and be not distracted by godless pursuits. Those who useth their cell phones with great vigor while remaining unaware of those around them arouse the displeasure of Yahweh God, and He shalt smite them, and inflict greater roaming charges upon them, because they are bastards. Those who draggeth wheeled carrying containers must also pay heed, that they not entangle the legs of those around them, and cause grief. They shall inherit a beating.

4. Do not be fooled by the moving walkway, the escalator, and yea, even the stairwell of old, for the law of Yahweh applies to them as well. Let the slothful stand aside that the hasty may take advantage of technology's boon.

5. Behold the stairwell, for it may contain a banister dividing it in two equal parts. Proceed on the right side, much as thou wouldst drive thine car on the highway, unless thou drivest in the British fashion, which is an abomination unto the eyes of the Lord.

6. Control thine progeny, for they must learn of the law of Yahweh. Should they lose direction and wander into the path of the opposing traveller, they may be trampled, and justice will be done, yea, even amidst the wailing of the infants. Yahweh invented the leash for a reason, and His reasons are just.

7. Control thine elderly, for they move with lethargy and unseeing eyes, and will confound the feet of the traveller with walkers and canes. Yahweh will recall them unto His hand, should they cause one to miss the 9:05 train.

8. Blessed are the jaywalkers, but accursed be those who jaywalk unprofessionally, disregarding the flow of vehicular traffic around them. They shalt be impacted upon by the bumper of the taxi, which shall act as the hand of Yahweh God, even if it is driven by a Pakistani.

9. Tourists, respect the cities that thou visiteth. Respect too those who dwell in those cities, for they know the laws of the sidewalk that Yahweh has set down in concrete. Respect, as thou respecteth the laws of thine own dwelling, or thou shalt be smitten with yon two-by-four.

10. Thou that dwelleth in country, in greener pastures, in the valley of the shadow of rurality, that know not the sidewalk and its ways, Yahweh says unto thee, Get With The Program, bitches.

Amen.

[angledge.livejournal.com]

Metaquoted. (http://www.livejournal.com/community/metaquotes/3394609.html)

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

Thanks! You're my bestest pimp.

[tinuvielchild.livejournal.com]

(here from metaquotes)...

Commandments 8-10 are love. =D

[photosinensis.livejournal.com]

These rules also apply to hallways, as that's where I have the most problems with people violating the rules of the road.

But making right turns is still easier.

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

Your icon is worthy. Viking Kittens make the world a better place.

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

Visiting from metaquotes - I totally agree with these Commandments, and say that tourists coming to any major city should be handed a copy right before they leave the plane.

Especially with all the rubber-neckers that seem to visit San Francisco! :-/

[kayepants.livejournal.com]

I just got really excited about your icon.

[thinggtwoo.livejournal.com]

OHMYGOD, this is HYSTERICAL!!! May I post this in my journal on another site, with credit given??

[angledge.livejournal.com]

I'll wait for chaosvizier to decide, but he'll probably say yes.

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

Post away, credit welcome. Checks and money orders work too. ;)

Glad you enjoyed!

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

Oh, and let me know where you post it. Just out of curiosity. ;)

:-P

[cleverthylacine]

But what do Hillel and Shammai have to say on the subject?

Re: :-P

[starpaint.livejournal.com]

That these laws, being unusually and exceptionally clear, need no further elaboration. But Hillel addresses the Godliness of well-tuned sideways and why it's so imperative that country hicks get a development program together already, dammit.

(P.S. I love you.)

Re: :-P

[azurelunatic]

*cackle*

pyrogenic once said that two Jewish men in the same room is all it takes to start an argument. Not a fight, but a debate. Even if they agree with each other.

[musesfool.livejournal.com]

This is fucking brilliant, esp. number 4. Gah. I wish people would remember that, especially in the subway, and stop giving me funny looks when I tell them to stand on the right and walk on the left.

[dragonling.livejournal.com]

I still need to get that t-shirt that says 'Maintain Your Trajectory' damnit.

[dv8dragonfly.livejournal.com]

Mind if these get posted in washingtondc? With credit to you, of course.

*waves hi to angledge, this being her journal and all... much love for the ljdq!*

[angledge.livejournal.com]

*waves hi to angledge, this being her journal and all... much love for the ljdq!*

*waves back* Hello, little Quizling!

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

By all means, go ahead. Spread the good word! Also tell them to join the LJDQ because, really, they need to know. ;)

[blu-matt.livejournal.com]

Right on, reverend.

[blu-matt.livejournal.com]

On a side note re: 5) the only reason we drive on the left is because we still have cultural harkenings back to the Pagan days.

[germankitty]

Addendum #1: Shouldst thou happen to encounter a friend, a neighbor, elative or a variation thereof, do not tarry to speak unto them right on the spot, for thou wouldst create serious blockage unto others. Instead, thou shalt move yourselves to a place where thou dost not hinder regular traffic. Be mindful and please the Lord by applying this to entrances, elevators and suchlike equally.

[germankitty]

Duh. *relative.

[dcseain.livejournal.com]

Amen. But, I do have a equestion. I live in Washington, DC, where most of the sidewalks are brick or stone. Do these commandments still apply, even when the pavement be not concrete?

Reasonably, i wound expect so, especially since this is a city where we locals bulldoze/bully tourists who stand on the left of the escalators in the Metro, or who commit the mortal sin of having their small child beside them, rather than ahead or behind them on the escalator.