angledge: (Default)
I should've written this two weeks ago. I had a huge crying blowout with A*, not long after I posted my last post here. I more-or-less spewed that rant at him, particularly the part where I said that it hurt to know he didn't believe in climate change. He was... bewildered, to put it mildly. And he stopped me in my tracks by pointing out that he had never heard my arguments on climate change... because we have an agreement in our marriage that we do not discuss politics.

I felt a little stupid at that point.

So then I said, I would like to tell you why I believe in climate change & why it's the major driver of my voting decisions. But in the interest of fairness, is there a single topic that you think I'm misunderstanding that you would want to explain to me? And he said, I'm not trying to change you.

I felt a little horrible at that point.

We do have an agreement - no politics. He's abiding by it & I'm not. He knows I don't share his views & he loves me anyway. Why am I struggling so much to embrace that same attitude?
angledge: Polar bear standing on an ice cube (drawing polar bear ice cube)
My self-image is that I am a rational person. I consider myself intelligent, well-educated, & curious. When I need to make a decision, I gather information (considering the source's expertise & bias & trying to find as many opinions & lines of evidence as possible), I look to history for information on previous, similar situations, & I try to identify my blind spots (cultural cluelessness, my own biases, areas of knowledge where I have zero experience or understanding). I draw a conclusion, but then I try to remain open to changing my mind, if I am presented with more input. BY NO MEANS do I consider myself a perfectly rational decision-maker, no one is. But I think my methods have given me a fairly decent algorithm by which to discern fact from fiction, to predict effects from causes, & to navigate the world.

But now, I am living in a world where facts are... whatever someone chooses to believe, I guess. Or rather, facts are whatever are being promoted as facts in a person's particular social niche, media bubble, or information silo. If you are a progressive, blue, Democratic-leaning voter in the USA, then facts include:

  • The election system in the US is not perfect, but it is generally secure & correctly reporting the will of the voters.
  • Sexual orientation & gender identity are complicated processes, & cannot be simplified to "conform to the norms of the majority or be considered evil".
  • Human activity is contributing to global climate change, primarily via the release of carbon dioxide & methane to the atmosphere.
  • Etc. etc. etc. It's boring to list them all. They even made signs to put in your yard that displayed an abbreviated list of "progressive facts".

But my point is that I believe these statements to be true because I have reviewed evidence that I find credible supporting these assertions, & I have not encountered much evidence that disproves them.

But if my method is solid, & I'm actually following it, then why did I have a conversation last week with A* that went like this?

Me: Can you give me one thing to look forward to from the next Trump Administration?
A*: Improved economic conditions.
Me: How will that be achieved? Through tariffs?
A*: No, I don't really understand how the tariffs are supposed to work.
Me: How then?
A*: Through energy independence.
Me: Even though the US is already the world's top producer of oil & natural gas...?

But instead of trying to argue, I sat quietly for a few minutes, thinking through my response to this reasoning. (Side note: it took an immense amount of effort to NOT argue based on what I consider facts.) I realized that I would never support the Trump Administration's approach to "energy independence", which (without a doubt) will be to promote increased extraction of & reliance on fossil fuels. So then I asked:

Me: Do you believe that human industrial activities contribute to global climate change?
A*: I don't know.

And there you have it. A* is an intelligent person. He worked in journalism for more than three decades. He's certainly seen the arguments regarding human impacts on the atmosphere & the consequences, but he doesn't believe the data that seems so irrefutable to me. But because he doesn't believe in the connection between releasing carbon dioxide & methane & dangerous changes to the global climate, he isn't going to worry about supporting an "energy independence" policy that will increase the burning of fossil fuels.

This realization has sent me spiraling. We had a near-fight earlier this year when I asked A* if he thought Haitian immigrants were eating dogs & cats in Springfield, Ohio & he also said he didn't know. How can he not know? How does he determine what is true & what is false?

But on climate change, it hurts more. I am literally a professional environmental scientist. While the global climate is not my specific area of expertise, I am knowledgable enough to have a pretty good grasp on the data & the arguments. But apparently, my husband doesn't believe me when I say that data models have predicted for DECADES that continued release of carbon dioxide & methane into the atmosphere is going to have horrible consequences for humanity (well, for the entire planet), & that so far, real-world observations either confirm the predictions made by modeling or suggest that they were too conservative & things are actually getting worse more quickly than predicted.

So, does A* believe anything I say? Does he think my career is just some big joke? What is he thinking when I prattle away about my models of natural attenuation of dissolved-phase contaminants in groundwater? Does he want to pat me on my head & tell me to just go back to the kitchen & stop worrying my pretty head? Poor deluded little girl, thinks she knows something about how the world works! It's cute!

I don't know how to live in a world where - it's not even a world where we don't agree on facts, but a world where we don't even agree on how to determine whether something is true or false. I don't know how to talk to people. I don't know how to process any incoming information or answer any questions. There's doesn't seem to be a point to doing those things anyway, because how are you supposed to decide what you should be doing, if you don't know what's true?

In this mindset, the mental obliteration promised by a long, hard drinking session sounds really good. So do other forms of annihilation. I'm not there, but it's been a long time since those things seemed so tempting.
angledge: (Default)
Alan & I had an amazing date night last night. It was an Apology Date Night, because on Tuesday I invited my parents over for dinner & apparently didn't remember to tell Alan - until about an hour before they showed up. -100 Wife Points at least.

So I took him out for a fancy dinner at Eureka Station on Notorious Blair Street in Silverton. Every single thing we ate or drank was delicious.

Dinner menu at Eureka Station in Silverton


Our waitress was a gem! She caught us up on all the local gossip, including a recent controversy in town when a long-time resident named Nancy Brockman died, was buried in the historic Silverton cemetery - & had a red UK-style phone booth installed as her grave marker. That settled our after-dinner plans! We headed up to the cemetery to check out the phone booth. Indeed, we could see the phone booth on the cemetery hillside above town from our dinner table. The red color really does catch the eye!

British telephone box installed as a grave marker


We wandered around the cemetery for a while, reading gravestones until it was too dark to see. The burials feature a high proportion of younger men, many immigrants, many killed in the mines.

1 of 2 Cornish brothers killed by mine work in SilvertonTombstone with Welsh writing in the Silverton cemetery2 of 2 Cornish brothers killed by mine work in Silverton


It was a beautiful night & a truly peaceful place. Not a bad spot to choose for your eternal rest.

Giant conifer towering over a family plot in the Silverton cemetery


We drove home & let the dogs out when we arrived, walking with them down to the end of the driveway. There was no moon & very clear skies, so I took one last photo - the Milky Way over our house.

Milky Way over our house


It was a very good evening.
angledge: (heart)
Alan & I got back home on Thursday from our delayed honeymoon to Costa Rica. We spent four nights in Tamarindo & three nights in Playa del Coco. Overall, the trip was good but not great, in large part because Alan got traveler's diarrhea at the end of our time in Tamarindo & is only feeling better today.

My highlights from the trip:
  • We went on a snorkeling trip on a catamaran that left from the harbor at Tamarindo. The snorkeling was unremarkable, but the trip became an impromptu whale-watching trip on the way home when we encountered a humpback whale. Alan had never seen a whale before & the look on his face paid for the whole trip.
  • On our last day at the beach in Playa del Coco, I was swimming laps to a platform anchored off-shore when I started talking to an older Canadian gentleman. His name was Robin Lajoie & he is a world-record holder for long-distance butterfly. We talked for a little bit while sitting on the platform & then he casually mentioned that there was a shipwreck located about a quarter-mile further out from the platform & would I like to go free-drive around the wreck?

    UM HELL YES

    We swam out there & had the place to ourselves (because, half-mile swim to get there). There were thousands of fish & the wreck sat in about 20-25 ft of water. I had so much fun that I kept coming to the surface, floating on my back, & just laughing into the sky.
  • In general, the food was delicious. Lots of seafood & tropical fruits, obviously, but there was also a lot of incredible beef. Also, fried plantains. I love fried plantains to an incredible degree & I ate some every day, nearly with every meal.

I want to capture some thoughts on how I can improve future travels:
  • Get a backpack to use as a suitcase. Currently, I have a gigantic Samsonite suitcase. I always end up overpacking because the darn thing is just so big. Then I end up hauling a 45+ pound suitcase all over the place, because if it fits, I pack it.
  • Do your research. I have gotten lazy about researching places before visiting, telling myself that I want to be "open to experiences" or "relaxing, not checking off tasks". But I have taken this too far. On this trip, I would've been very well-served to do more research on destinations (which hopefully would've had us avoiding Tamarindo) & things to do. I'm not saying this wasn't a fun & relaxing vacation, but we also left a lot of experiences un-experienced. Alan says we should've done more research TOGETHER, because different people will think of different questions & have different priorities.
  • Be incognito. I learned from a travel blog (too late to help on this trip) that it is a good idea to do all your travel research & bookings while browsing incognito. Apparently, many travel websites (including AirBnB) change their offered prices based on your browsing history.
  • Get more diverse. We booked stays in two beach towns, back-to-back. While we did end up liking one a lot more than the other (Playa del Coco >>> Tamarindo) it would've been even better to have had a few days inland in the cloud forest/mountains.
  • Put more thought into transport. We didn't rent a car & I think that was the right decision (driving in CR is a little wild), but once we got to our AirBnBs, we were kinda stuck there because we had done zero research on buses, taxis, etc.


Since I chose the country for this trip, Alan gets to choose the next destination. He has selected ICELAND. September 2025, bitches!

June 2023.

Jun. 1st, 2023 10:19 am
angledge: (heart)
music link

This is the big month. I'm having friends & family descend upon Ouray County starting June 11th. My parents arrived on June 13th & they are planning to move out here! They're looking for a house in Montrose, the "big city" of ~20,000 located a half-hour north of Log Hill Village.

June 16th is Mom's birthday. We're having a dinner at my current favorite restaurant, the Lazy Dog Saloon, to celebrate her birthday & kick off wedding festivities.

The BIG DAY is June 17th. Wedding is at 11 AM, reception will run from noon to 3 PM. Alan & I will spend the night at an undisclosed location. This will also be my parents' 57th anniversary.

Sunday June 18th is Father's Day & we're having a good-bye brunch at our house.

My five-year sobriety anniversary is June 20th.

I'm actually calm (so far). Work is crazy, but work is always crazy. I'm in decent health & decent shape - I actually weighed myself this morning & I'm at the lowest weight I've achieved since moving out here in August 2020. The wedding planning is nearly complete. Money is tight, but I think we can get everything paid for without too much stress (or borrowing).

I'm ready to become Ms. Angela Todd.
angledge: (Default)
music link

Alan & I spend the weekend before Valentine's Day in Albuquerque. On Friday night, we took a tram up Sandia Peak & ate a great meal at Ten 3, a restaurant that boasts views encompassing approximately 13,000 square miles. We could clearly see the lights of Santa Fe, which is about 40 miles to the northeast. It was a great date night.

On Saturday, we walked around Old Town, which dates back to the beginning of the 18th century. Our plan was to shop for wedding rings, but the jewelry available was exclusively silver/turquoise in the Navajo style, which wasn't what we want. Saturday night, we had tickets to the New Mexico Philharmonic. They played two pieces which were totally different. The first was a new composition by Ellen Reid called "Today and Today and Today and Today and Today and Today and Today and Today and Today and Today", which Reid said was supposed to catch the tediousness & tension of life during the COVID lockdowns. I suppose it was successful, because it was tedious to listen to it. Alan described it as "20 minutes of pure anxiety". We weren't fans. The second half of the performance was Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, my all-time favorite piece of music. The conductor did not use sheet music as he conducted the entire symphony! That astonished me. Listening to this beautiful performance was so moving: soaring joy, excitement, a genuine uplifting of the spirit.

Sunday morning, we attended Mass at San Felipe de Neri Church, founded in 1706. Then we ate breakfast at Church Street Cafe & headed out. We were in a hurry to get home in time to watch the Super Bowl: I'm a big Eagles fan & Alan is a lifelong Chiefs supporter, so our teams were facing off in the Big Game. OBVIOUSLY I wish the Eagles had won, but the Chiefs just flat outplayed us, especially in the second half. It was moderately infuriating to be beaten by our former coach Andy Reid, particularly at the end of the game when he throttled us out with textbook clock management. Coach Reid's greatest weakness when he was the Eagles' head coach was managing the clock. He's been working on it, apparently. Alan was very gracious in victory.

Ang likes the Eagles and Alan likes the Chiefs


And now, I'm looking forward to baseball. Surely the Rockies won't let me down again this season!
angledge: Polar bear laying in a field of flowers (polar bear with flowers)
.... the revival of the Daily Quiz (Dreamwidth edition) brings any traffic to this moribund old blog of mine....

Hello!

I am currently on Day 13/14 of a voluntary home quarantine for exposure to a co-worker who was presumed COVID-19-positive. My co-worker has remained symptom-free, although his wife is quite ill with the disease. I was visiting my boyfriend in SW Colorado when I got the news that I needed to quarantine. So I stayed a few extra days. Neither I nor my boyfriend have shown any signs of COVID-19, thank God.

I really love this part of the world. It's so beautiful here. And it's peaceful - "social distancing" is almost a joke - we see NO ONE here. I'm struggling to think of the last live human voice I heard other than ours. I could get used to the quiet....
angledge: (polar bear facepaw)
music link

Sleep: Last night, I took a long, hot shower before bed & applied a ton of Biofreeze to my shoulders & triceps. SH says I went to sleep at 10:20 PM, Facebook Messenger says 10:26 PM, all agree I woke up at 6:00 AM. Call it 7½ hours of sleep. Deep sleep. I woke up feeling rested & my arms weren’t hurting.

Program: Kneeling prayer this morning, meditation this afternoon. I’ve now meditated three days in a row, which (lately) is a big deal. My longest streak ever was 17 days in a row. I should try to beat that. I called my sponsor this evening – got voice mail. Sigh.

Work: Another decent day. I got to the office early & then my BioWatch client called me & we scheduled a meeting at EPA HQ for 1 PM. Held the meeting then worked from home the rest of the day.

Food: I had early coffee w/cream, then ate standard breakfast (casserole, keto biscuit) around 10:30 AM. Celery & almond butter snack around 5 PM. Wasn’t hungry for dinner, but finally ate a freezer meal (pork tenderloin/kale/squash) just before 9 PM. I’ve been thirsty all day.

Exercise: I followed yesterday’s plan this morning: I did the pre-hab exercises & Day 1 of Core Play. I’m only doing about half of it – any exercise that calls for 10 repetitions, I’m generally doing 5. I’m not going to finish this program in 4 weeks – it will be more like 8 weeks. That’s fine. The wrist-stretching exercises both feel good & thoroughly demonstrate how messed up my left wrist is. Moves like plank & lunge show how weak my left triceps is. I have an appointment with Dr. Spallone for tomorrow to see if an adjustment helps.

Mood: I’ve been in a good mood today. Is it the fish? The sleep? The exercise? Getting back on lithium orotate? All of the above? I did have a bit of a Sad over the fact that I decorated my apartment for Christmas, alone. But alas. The life of a single person.

Grats: 1. Six days in a row I’ve worked out. I’ve identified a problem (left arm weakness) but I’m working on a solution (chiropractor appointment tomorrow). 2. Got through the EPA client meeting today & now have some firm deadlines. 3. A* thinks I'm beautiful.

June 2025

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