Ang's Journal

I keep having decision anxiety about Shadeaux. I don't think it's going to be much longer before I'm going to have to make the extremely hard, but ultimately compassionate, decision to have her put to sleep. She has so many lumps all over her poor body. She has a particularly ugly & fast-growing tumor on her back right knee that has me concerned. But my wonderful vet Doctor Joe has told me that as long as she's eating, drinking, maintaining continence, showing interest in play & attention, & not showing signs of constant pain, he would say she's still living a good life. Well, she was a frisky biscuit this morning, romping with her brothers in the back meadow before devouring a bowl of dog chow. She peed & pooped outside without any issues. She whines for ear scratches & to remind me that even though it's going to be 90+ degrees today, she still wants to be swaddled in blankies at all times. Yes, she's slow getting up & down the stairs, but c'mon, she's 14 years old, which is like 98 years old in people years. So, I am trying to enjoy each & every day I get with my Princess Puppypants & to not turn to Google Vet.

My parents moved into their new house in Montrose last week! They were EXHAUSTED when they arrived here, after a six-day trip across the country. Bobo Bro (who may deserve to be sainted) flew to South Carolina & drove with them, making it a two-car caravan with 3 people & 2 Giant Schnauzers. Last weekend, I spent a few hours on Saturday helping them unpack, but honestly they are doing really well on that task! Then yesterday, I was in town for a dermatology appointment & I ran into them when I stopped by City Market for a few items. Wow. That was surreal. They looked happy & relaxed. They went to a Taco Tuesday gathering in their neighborhood last night & Mom is playing Bunco (sp?) tomorrow. I think they are settling in well.

As for the dermatologist, I was seeing Sherman because I have two cysts, one on each of my fourth toes (ring toes?). He lanced them & drained some disgusting goop out of them. Apparently I am going to have to do this myself, every two weeks, for a YEAR to get them to go away. Delightful! They don't hurt much, but they did hurt when I wore my steel-toed boots for the last two field work adventures in Oklahoma. I probably need to get new boots with a larger toe box, then use some sort of padding (maybe corn pads) to protect the cysts. Getting older is SO AWESOME.

I've been in town for 5 1/2 months now, so it was time & past for Shadeaux & Hobbes to meet the local vet. They were both due for some vaccinations & I wanted to have their teeth checked out & nails trimmed.

Our local pet doc is the Ridgway Animal Hospital, & they are the only vet in town. I made an appointment, filled out the new patient forms & emailed them in, & drove the doggos down the hill this afternoon for their checkups. When I got there, they didn't have my new patients forms so I had to fill them out again. I couldn't go inside with them, so a vet tech dragged them in from the front door.

The vet came out a short while later & said they couldn't do anything with Hobbes. They couldn't examine him, couldn't give him his vaccinations, nothing. OK, he is a pretty anxious little beastie, but you couldn't give him treats & play with him for a few minutes? Nope! They gave me two prescriptions for anxiety meds (trazadone & gabapentin). I will have to dose him two hours before a return appointment next week.

The vet said she examined Shadeaux, but she told me she wasn't lumpy & Shadeaux is as lumpy as a toad! I replied that I was surprised that she said she wasn't lumpy, so she re-examined her & decided that yes, she's got quite a few lumps, now that I actually looked for them. They also didn't trim her nails.

This wonderful visit cost me about $180 - but I don't know exactly how much, because they haven't emailed me a bill yet, which they said they would do.

AND - as I'm writing this up, the vet called me. She had some more questions about some of Shadeaux's lumps (good thing she found them?). She offered to trim Shadeaux's nails for free on our return visit next week.


Maybe it's worth finding a vet in Montrose.

I donated platelets at Bonfils Blood Center again today, with no side effects or dizziness. So the trouble I had last time was hopefully a one-off. My BP was higher this time when I arrived, so that might have been the issue.

When I got home, I took Shadeaux for a walk & she pulled her 21st disc golf frisbee out of Lakewood Gulch Creek. Between donating blood & rescuing another disc, my karma account is looking good today.

I did an apheresis donation today. For the first time EVER (& I've been a blood donor for decades), I felt shaky & sick afterwards. I laid down with my feet elevated for about ten minutes & then went on my merry way. My blood pressure was a little low when I went in (112/62) but that's within my normal range. So I'm not sure what was different.

Friday I finished up my first field work trip of 2015 - two weeks on Arapahoe. It went fine - even less eventful than usual. We didn't even see any rattlesnakes. Shadeaux came with me again, since hotpantsgalore is still in New Orleans on a month-long work contract at Touro Hospital. I like having the little furball with me in Sterling - she's happy going to doggy day care all day, & she makes the hotel feel more homey in the evenings.

I was very happy to be back in Denver over the weekend. On Friday night, I met up with Bobo Bro & checked out his new condo. Saturday morning, I went to swim practice & then went out to brunch with the swim team. Saturday evening, reunited with Bobo Bro & went to the Rockies-Giants game at Coors Field. Sunday was a cold, rainy mess, so I stayed in all day & did food prep. I made fish tacos with an avocado/lime sauce that were delicious, & I refined a Whole30 version of the Kashi Mayan Harvest bake frozen dinner (removed grain, added shredded chicken). Of course, after a full day in the kitchen, my dishwasher stopped working. Still working on getting the landlord to fix that.

WHOLE30-FIED MAYAN BAKE HARVEST

Ingredients:

• 1 very ripe plantain (yellow and covered with black spots), peeled and cut into 2” pieces
• 1 chicken breast, washed and patted dry
• 1 cup bone broth or water
• 2 sweet potatoes, washed and diced into ½” cubes – enough to make about one layer on a 9"x 13" pan
• 1 bunch of kale, washed, de-stemmed, and chopped (frozen spinach works too)
• ¼ cup pumpkin seeds
• 3 Tbsp. coconut oil (split)
• 1 onion, chopped
• 3-4 cloves garlic
• 1 x 15 oz. can tomato puree (1 ⅞ cups)
• 1 Tbsp. ancho chili powder
• 1 Tbsp. paprika
• 1 tsp. Aleppo pepper
• ½ tsp. sea salt

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 400°F.
2. Toss sweet potato cubes in 1 Tbsp. of coconut oil and roast for 15 minutes on a baking tray.
3. Stir the potatoes and add the plantains, then roast for another 15 minutes.
4. Heat 1 Tbsp. of coconut oil in a lidded skillet to medium. Add the chicken breast and cook for about five minutes, until it is golden brown on one side. Add 1 cup of bone broth or water and flip the chicken over. Cover skillet with the lid and let the chicken simmer for 7-10 minutes, checking to make sure it is cooked all the way through. Save the broth or water.
5. Shred the chicken with forks.
6. Add another 1 Tbsp. of coconut oil to the skillet and sauté the onions and garlic until soft and fragrant. Add the kale or spinach and continue sautéing until the greens are wilted.
7. Add the tomato puree, shredded chicken, ancho chili powder, paprika, and salt, and simmer for 10 minutes. Thin sauce with most or all of the saved bone broth or water.
8. When the sweet potatoes and plaintains are roasted and soft, remove them from the oven. Place the potatoes and plaintains in a 9x9” glass dish. Top the potatoes with the sauted onions/greens. Pour the shredded chicken and tomato sauce over everything and top with pumpkin seeds.
9. Return dish to oven and bake for 15-20 minutes.

Serves 4.

Sleep: very good. I started my pre-bedtime routine at about 10 PM (managing to pull away from Skyrim, yay!), in bed around 10:30 PM, & asleep almost immediately. I woke up just before 7 AM when a certain Puppeh tried to sneak into the bed.

Breakfast: S&SBC, bulletproof-ish coffee (Pelletproof? Arrowproof? Boltproof? What's "almost bulletproof"?), some chicken breast, strawberries. I have successfully broken out of my breakfast rut.



I went to swim practice today! First times in ages.

Post-workout snack: tuna cake, banana.

Lunch: leftover chicken adobo topped with onions, sweet potatoes, steamed broccoli. I DEMOLISHED a huge plate of food - yay, working out!

Spent a good hour or so in the park with Shadeaux.

Dinner: the rest of gumbo z'herbes, the rest of the jicama salad, & more rotisserie chicken. Yum.

Snack: apple pie Larabar & herbal tea.

Sleep: OK. I got sucked into watching an episode of "The Walking Dead" with hotpantsgalore after I had done my pre-bedtime routine - which totally ruined my pre-bedtime routine, of course. It took me a while to fall asleep, & then HPG wasn't sleeping well, which disturbed my sleep a bit. I logged a lot of hours in bed because I went to bed early (as per usual after a day skiing). Despite that, I have felt foggy & unfocused today.

I started one of my Wildtree meals (short ribs) in the slow cooker.

Breakfast: 2 slices sweet potato quiche, half an avocado, black Constant Comment tea. I missed having fruit. I like fruit with breakfast.

I baked an acorn squash.

Snack: 4 oz. unsweetened applesauce & 2 handfuls of pepitas (raw, shelled pumpkin seeds).

Lunch: Salad (broccoli, carrots, cucumbers, bell peppers, dressing) & chili/squash/kale, black Scottish breakfast tea. And that blast of caffeine made me feel alive!

I baked NomNom's Spicy Tuna Cakes. I made them in a bigger cupcake pan than the recipe called for & it took forever to bake them. They taste like they SHOULD be amazing but somehow I missed the mark. I kinda want to fry them in some ghee to make 'em crispy on the outside.

The biggest fan of the Whole30 in our house is definitely Shadeaux, who loves the increased volume & quality of kitchen scraps.


I think the tuna cakes taste FINE.

Snack: I ate one of the cakes. Something is definitely missing. Next one's gonna get fried.

I went to the grocery store. Being an idiot, I left the house at 4:45 PM, hitting rush hour traffic & the after-work crowds at the stores.


This is what the Whole30 is all about. Dishes. Lots of dishes.

Dinner: Wildtree short ribs & veggies. Meh. The veggies are cooked to a pulp & the meat is underseasoned.

hotpantsgalore called me last night & says, ( I'm on my way home from the vet's. )

Wow, weirdest dog walk ever.

I just took Shadeaux out for her final trip outside tonight. She was wearing her harness & a leash, but I took her off-leash near the end of the trip so we could do some quick obedience work on sit-down-stay-come. She was in a down-stay, when suddenly she bolted past me.

She had spotted one of the Indian residents in our community, one of the guys who are just terrified of dogs. So I lunged at Shadeaux as she was accelerating past me, & I just managed to grab the strap of her harness that runs over her back. But she had so much momentum that she pulled me off my feet. When I felt myself falling, I leapt toward her, gaining enough energy that I rocketed over her. Maintaining my grip on her harness, I went into a near-perfect aikido roll. I rolled down my right arm, over my right shoulder, my back, my left shoulder, & slapped the lawn with my left arm. Unfortunately, this meant my right arm (still hanging onto Shadeaux's harness) had a ton of speed. Shadeaux whipped over me & flew right out of her harness. She flew a good ten feet & bounced another six before coming to a halt, looking astonished.

I clambered to my knees & said, "Shadeaux, COME." She tottered to her feet & came right to me. I put her harness back on her with shaking hands. I remembered the cause of the whole fracas & turned back around. No sign of Indian Neighbor Guy. Reviewing the whole situation from his point of view, it must have looked like I threw my dog at him. No wonder he ran....

I haven't been on an aikido mat since 1998, when I broke up with Daaaaave. I am frankly amazed that I remember how to do a forward roll. It was pure muscle memory.

Edit:: Here's a YouTube video showing a forward roll. Just put a dog in the sensei's right hand & you'll have a good idea of what happened on last night's walk.

Today I am in San Antonio, collecting some confirmation samples around permeable reactive barrier treating contaminated groundwater associated with Kelly Air Force Base. I was working as a one-person crew, so I had complete control over the music selection.

It may surprise some (a lot) of my friends that I chose to listen to Christian music. K-Love 91.3, to be exact. I've come to really enjoy the message, & to tolerate the light-pop music. But what does continue to annoy me are the super, over-the-top, saccharinely friendly DJs. They are so upbeat & wholesome, all the time. Just like all real Christians (TM) are! Sometimes I wish they'd admit to being grumpy, or tired, or of having a doubt about the Resurrection. Show a human side.

Instead today two of them showed one of the most ANNOYING sides of Christianity. They were discussing a recent paper, published by the Centre for Animal Ethics at Oxford, which argues that much of the terminology we use in reference to animals is outdated. The paper argues against a wide range of terms, including "pets" (animal companions), "owners" (human caregivers), "wild" animals (free-living animals), etc. The authors state that using words that reflect old understandings of our relationship to animals, or phrases that are laden with bias ("drunk as a skunk", "brutes", "vermin") impairs clear thinking about our relationships with animals & therefore these words or phrases should be avoided.

Personally, I think this is an obvious statement. If I think of myself as Shadeaux's owner, then it is clear that I can sell her, give her away, treat her as wonderfully or as poorly as I want to, perhaps even kill her. After all, I own her. But, if instead I think of myself as her caregiver, I am envisioning a much more tender - & responsibility-laden - relationship. Words, in fact, do matter. I'm not sure this was worth an academic publication in a peer-reviewed journal, but that's just me.

I would have thought that a Christian radio station - if they were going to discuss this obscure academic piece - would've perhaps taken an angle on how it might be better if humanity stopped thinking of ourselves as the "owners" of God's good Creation, & started acting more like its "human caretakers". They could have possibly talked about how some words do matter - they matter so much that once upon a time, the Word became flesh & changed absolutely everything.

But instead Scott & Kelli sniggered their way through a completely inaccurate summary of the paper, saying that these crazy out-of-touch Oxford dons insisted that using the wrong terms "would hurt your pet's feelings". They posted a poll on their Facebook page asking, "Does it insult your dog or cat to call him 'pet?'" It was obvious to me (even before I got to the hotel & checked online) that they hadn't read the Oxford paper, nor had they really even read the AP article about the paper that probably caught their attention in the first place.

Overall, they fulfilled the stereotype that Christians are anti-intellectual. They were full of politely-veiled derision for smart-yet-stupid Ivory Towerians who think that Fido & Patches actually understand the words we use for them. I was clenching my teeth throughout that entire segment of their show, reflecting on how difficult it can sometimes be to be both a scientist & a Christian, especially when so many scientists treat Christianity as a form of brain damage. One of the HARDEST parts about trying to reach out to other scientists with the message of the Gospel is their sense that Christianity rejects science. Conversations like the one I heard today on Scott & Kelli's program totally reinforce that image.

Is the Centre for Animal Ethics paper the best piece of research ever? No. It's probably not even research-based. But is it an important topic? I think so. The words we use do have some power to shape relationships - if they didn't, people wouldn't get so upset when they are called a "bitch" or a "queer". Treating animals well is an important ethical topic, one with practical implications; for instance, how much should the City of Austin allocate for paying for guaranteed no-kill shelters?

So, I wish that Scott & Kelli had presented this paper with a little bit more honesty & accuracy. And if an honest & accurate presentation of the paper would have been too boring for afternoon radio chit-chat, then just play another song. I like Casting Crowns.

hotpantsgalore & I have a neighbor, who I will call V*. V* is six years old. She lives with her mom in an apartment near ours. V* is what I call a free-range kid - her mom doesn't keep her under supervision 24 hours a day. She roams around our apartment complex pretty freely - in fact, many would say too freely. Anyway, she's really friendly with me & HPG - OK, the truth is she's in love with Shadeaux. V* was on our balcony the other day & saw another one of our neighbors. She shouted down to her, "Hi Monique! I'm over here playing at Shadeaux's house!" Out of the mouths of babes...

V* will strike up a conversation with anyone & everyone, & she knows a surprisingly high percentage of the folks who live in this complex. However, she does have a disconcerting habit of following people back to their apartments & inviting herself in. She doesn't seem to have any rules on doing this - for example, she tried to invite herself into my next door neighbor's apartment. He's a thirtysomething guy who lives alone. I happen to know he's a completely lovable & totally harmless upstanding citizen, but he could've been a predator. V* makes no distinctions - & she doesn't seem to check back in with her mom before taking off. HPG & I have made a habit of either calling over to V's mom from the balcony ("Hey N*, your daughter's at our place!") or texting her to let her know. But I don't think everyone does this.

V's behavior has caused some fascinating conversations between the residents at my complex. Arguments fly about the proper amount of supervision, the likelihood that V* will end up getting kidnapped, what responsibilities (if any) we have as neighbors to watch over kids or complain to parents. I think it's interesting that just by being around & being the way she is, V* is causing a community to coalesce around her. I know more of my neighbors because V* has introduced us. I've had conversations & exchanged cell phone numbers with several of them so we can work together to keep an eye on her. If it takes a village to raise a child, then I guess I'm being a villager?

HPG & I enjoy V's visits as long as they are kept short. But aspects of them are HILARIOUS. She LOVES Shadeaux, & expresses her love by wrapping Shadeaux in blankets, giving her smothering six-year-old hugs, pulling on her tail, trying to make her do tricks - in short, hassling her. Shadeaux has had to learn to play politely with her & I think it is a great socialization opportunity. But really, I love seeing our puppy getting hassled - it's revenge for all her antics! V* also took care of announcing in no uncertain terms to the whole world the nature of HPG & my relationship when she grabbed a Pride flag off our bookshelf & starting waving it vigorously on the balcony one day. She followed that up with a one-kid Pride parade in the parking lot, marching around with the flag in one hand & Shadeaux's leash in the other.

I'm not a parent, so I am very hesitant to offer strong opinions on child-rearing. That being said, I'm probably more in the free-range camp of child management than the Helicopter Parent camp. My own experience growing up was being left waaaay off-leash, & learning a lot therefore (lessons learned included: Consequences of Arson, How To Walk Two Miles Home on a Twisted Ankle, & Fighting in Small Unarmed Groups). I've heard all the arguments that times have changed, the world is less safe than it was, & yet... I still think that V* is having a happier childhood, roaming around our complex, meeting lots of different kinds of people, trying to teach Shadeaux how to roll over, than she would if she was stuck in front of the TV in a one-bedroom apartment all the time. Yes, being outside puts her at greater risk of getting hit by a car, or drowning in the complex's swimming pool, or - God forbid - getting assaulted by a predator. But how likely are those scenarios - especially since there are eyes on many balconies & ears at many doors that are keeping at least a loose watch on her? I think her mom N* would be smart to teach V* a few rules - don't go into someone's house until your mom has met them & said it's OK seems like a sane limit. And I plan to offer to teach her how to swim, once the water in the pool is warm enough. I've also heard many people giving V* advice on how to approach strange dogs, & now she does it right (quietly, moving slowly, offering hand for a sniff first).

So it's a question of trying to weigh the many small benefits of letting a kid out to experience the world against the frightfully awful - but hopefully very unlikely - possible consequences. It's human nature to focus on horrible things, no matter how improbable they are. It's harder to think about small, daily miracles, like a six-year-old leading a puppy in a Pride parade.