Ang's Journal

Wow, weirdest dog walk ever.

I just took Shadeaux out for her final trip outside tonight. She was wearing her harness & a leash, but I took her off-leash near the end of the trip so we could do some quick obedience work on sit-down-stay-come. She was in a down-stay, when suddenly she bolted past me.

She had spotted one of the Indian residents in our community, one of the guys who are just terrified of dogs. So I lunged at Shadeaux as she was accelerating past me, & I just managed to grab the strap of her harness that runs over her back. But she had so much momentum that she pulled me off my feet. When I felt myself falling, I leapt toward her, gaining enough energy that I rocketed over her. Maintaining my grip on her harness, I went into a near-perfect aikido roll. I rolled down my right arm, over my right shoulder, my back, my left shoulder, & slapped the lawn with my left arm. Unfortunately, this meant my right arm (still hanging onto Shadeaux's harness) had a ton of speed. Shadeaux whipped over me & flew right out of her harness. She flew a good ten feet & bounced another six before coming to a halt, looking astonished.

I clambered to my knees & said, "Shadeaux, COME." She tottered to her feet & came right to me. I put her harness back on her with shaking hands. I remembered the cause of the whole fracas & turned back around. No sign of Indian Neighbor Guy. Reviewing the whole situation from his point of view, it must have looked like I threw my dog at him. No wonder he ran....

I haven't been on an aikido mat since 1998, when I broke up with Daaaaave. I am frankly amazed that I remember how to do a forward roll. It was pure muscle memory.

Edit:: Here's a YouTube video showing a forward roll. Just put a dog in the sensei's right hand & you'll have a good idea of what happened on last night's walk.

Des harbors an intense dislike for a National Park Service bureaucrat with the unlikely name of Brian Ullensvang, who we work with on a project that we're doing for the Presidio. Brian is not our client. Unfortunately, he has veto-power over reports we submit to the Presidio - a power that he delights in using. Last week, Des sent me an email regarding Brian's criticisms of our latest report (a lake remediation scheme), which Des opened with a highly amusing rant:

Once again the protagonists gather around the storied lake, a bucolic oasis and dog-walkers haven set within the bustling metropolis. Amidst empty entreaties of environmental remediation and habitat restoration, a bitter and pedantic feud festers between the National Park Service's legions of hell, and the sorry minions of URS. Separated from their floating holiday, the minions must endure even more Machiavellian evil from the sinister Ullensvang - a [*] bureacratic droid of immense rancour. The client, impotent: unable to respond to the self-aggrandizing, Kafkesque intrigues of Ullensvangian pedantry, rely instead upon a failed policy of appeasement - like Chamberlain before them.

"I have here a memorandum-of-understanding from Chancellor Herr Ullensvang - there will be no clapper rails in Mountain Lake!"

Hollow words from hollow men who lack the testicular horsepower to dethrone the arch ghoul from his illicit throne.

But - I refuse to become embittered or disillusioned.

Added funny: I never received this email in its original form. This is because the original form included the word "penis-less" where the [*] is. The word "penis" tripped the humorless URS corporate firewall & the email was deleted.

Dispatch from DesWorld #3.

Dispatch from DesWorld #5.

And Happy Earth Day, everyone.