Ang's Journal

hotpantsgalore & I have a neighbor, who I will call V*. V* is six years old. She lives with her mom in an apartment near ours. V* is what I call a free-range kid - her mom doesn't keep her under supervision 24 hours a day. She roams around our apartment complex pretty freely - in fact, many would say too freely. Anyway, she's really friendly with me & HPG - OK, the truth is she's in love with Shadeaux. V* was on our balcony the other day & saw another one of our neighbors. She shouted down to her, "Hi Monique! I'm over here playing at Shadeaux's house!" Out of the mouths of babes...

V* will strike up a conversation with anyone & everyone, & she knows a surprisingly high percentage of the folks who live in this complex. However, she does have a disconcerting habit of following people back to their apartments & inviting herself in. She doesn't seem to have any rules on doing this - for example, she tried to invite herself into my next door neighbor's apartment. He's a thirtysomething guy who lives alone. I happen to know he's a completely lovable & totally harmless upstanding citizen, but he could've been a predator. V* makes no distinctions - & she doesn't seem to check back in with her mom before taking off. HPG & I have made a habit of either calling over to V's mom from the balcony ("Hey N*, your daughter's at our place!") or texting her to let her know. But I don't think everyone does this.

V's behavior has caused some fascinating conversations between the residents at my complex. Arguments fly about the proper amount of supervision, the likelihood that V* will end up getting kidnapped, what responsibilities (if any) we have as neighbors to watch over kids or complain to parents. I think it's interesting that just by being around & being the way she is, V* is causing a community to coalesce around her. I know more of my neighbors because V* has introduced us. I've had conversations & exchanged cell phone numbers with several of them so we can work together to keep an eye on her. If it takes a village to raise a child, then I guess I'm being a villager?

HPG & I enjoy V's visits as long as they are kept short. But aspects of them are HILARIOUS. She LOVES Shadeaux, & expresses her love by wrapping Shadeaux in blankets, giving her smothering six-year-old hugs, pulling on her tail, trying to make her do tricks - in short, hassling her. Shadeaux has had to learn to play politely with her & I think it is a great socialization opportunity. But really, I love seeing our puppy getting hassled - it's revenge for all her antics! V* also took care of announcing in no uncertain terms to the whole world the nature of HPG & my relationship when she grabbed a Pride flag off our bookshelf & starting waving it vigorously on the balcony one day. She followed that up with a one-kid Pride parade in the parking lot, marching around with the flag in one hand & Shadeaux's leash in the other.

I'm not a parent, so I am very hesitant to offer strong opinions on child-rearing. That being said, I'm probably more in the free-range camp of child management than the Helicopter Parent camp. My own experience growing up was being left waaaay off-leash, & learning a lot therefore (lessons learned included: Consequences of Arson, How To Walk Two Miles Home on a Twisted Ankle, & Fighting in Small Unarmed Groups). I've heard all the arguments that times have changed, the world is less safe than it was, & yet... I still think that V* is having a happier childhood, roaming around our complex, meeting lots of different kinds of people, trying to teach Shadeaux how to roll over, than she would if she was stuck in front of the TV in a one-bedroom apartment all the time. Yes, being outside puts her at greater risk of getting hit by a car, or drowning in the complex's swimming pool, or - God forbid - getting assaulted by a predator. But how likely are those scenarios - especially since there are eyes on many balconies & ears at many doors that are keeping at least a loose watch on her? I think her mom N* would be smart to teach V* a few rules - don't go into someone's house until your mom has met them & said it's OK seems like a sane limit. And I plan to offer to teach her how to swim, once the water in the pool is warm enough. I've also heard many people giving V* advice on how to approach strange dogs, & now she does it right (quietly, moving slowly, offering hand for a sniff first).

So it's a question of trying to weigh the many small benefits of letting a kid out to experience the world against the frightfully awful - but hopefully very unlikely - possible consequences. It's human nature to focus on horrible things, no matter how improbable they are. It's harder to think about small, daily miracles, like a six-year-old leading a puppy in a Pride parade.

After a fit of anger that almost ended with my POS laptop being launched out my bedroom window, I reformatted the hard drive & installed Windows 2000. Now, my machine is a little short on RAM, so W2K is a bit slow, but by God it's worth it to have gotten rid of all the crapulous little freeware programs my dad had installed on that poor machine over the years. Anyway, I need one more small piece of hardware (a Ethernet -> USB cable dongle - anyone know a good place to buy one in Edinburgh?) (hey, that's a good question for edinburgers), then I'll be all set up to do email from my room, & to upload my digital photos.

[NOTE: this entry edited on 10/22/03, photos added, text modified.] I took some really fine photos this weekend. The photo to the left is from Saturday. Cousin Kate came up for a visit, & we met up with her friend Abby & a bunch of Abby's friends. We took a ferry to Inchcolm, a small island in the Firth of Forth. On the island is Inchcolm Abbey, founded in 1192 by King Alexander I of Scotland, as well as some anti-aircraft emplacements dating from World War II. There was a wedding party on board the ferry with us, & it was mighty traditional - all the men were wearing kilts, sporrans, etc., & there was a bagpiper in full regalia. The poor bride & bridesmaids were wearing sleeveless gowns that looked entirely inadequate considering how cold it was out on the water. I have to say, sailing across the Forth to a 12th century ruin while hearing "Scotland the Brave" being played ... well, it definitely sounded a chord in my soul. On the other hand, I think that there is something about the experience of living on this island as a monk that cannot be recaptured today. How much more isolated would the isle have felt if only windpower or rowers were available to get to the mainland? And there would be very little river traffic, as opposed to today, when at all times at least three or four vessels were visible. Just a random thought.

To the right is a photo of two children who were part of the wedding party. Even I, noted disliker of children, thought these two were pretty cute. The elder brother had to do a quick bit of persuasion to convince the younger to pose for me to take this piciture. Awww, cute widdle kilts ...

The final photo was taken onboard the ferry boat. You have to read the sign to understand what happened. You see, it's a photo of Abbey & Shirley right before Kate & I sold them into slavery to finance another couple rounds at the pub.

So today, Abby, Kate & I drove into Fife, where Abby's parents live. Abby is heavily involved in social work with refugees, & her mom's church had organised a collection to benefit the Karen people of Burma. So we attended services at St. Peter's Episcopal Church in Kirkcaldy so Abby could speak about the Karen, & to collect the money. Halfway there, Abby suddenly remembers that it's Harvest Day, a British church holiday that focuses on getting tinned food donations for the poor. So we stop into a petrol station & buy three tins of the only tinned food available - Spaghetti Hoops. We each stuff one tin in our coat pockets & head on into church. Only to learn there that the tinned food donation was suspended this year - in favor of a money collection for the Karen! This story ends with me eating Spaghetti Hoops for dinner tonight (I don't recommend them; the sauce is pretty bad).

Anyhoo ... first day of real classes tomorrow. We're starting at 10:00 AM with "Software Engineering and Geographical Algorithms". Heeeerrre we go!