Ang's Journal

It's like 2016 all over again. I think last time Trump won I was alone in a hotel room in Leadville. I was far more surprised in 2016 - I really never thought our country would elect such a despicable blowhard, such an obvious liar & charlatan, such a fool. But I guess I was the fool.

This time, I knew how many people admire this man. My parents voted for him. My husband voted for him. The main road to my house is lined with Trump flags & banners. So, while I had hoped that Kamala would pull it off, I wasn't exactly surprised when she didn't. I had guessed that Pennsylvania was going to be the "Keystone State", har har har. I've been physically threatened by homophobic assholes in the rural parts of Pennsyltucky, because I had a rainbow sticker on my car. So I knew.

I don't have any kids. I have two stepsons, technically, & two step-grandkids. But they are not mine in any meaningful sense. I have a niece & a nephew, both of whom are nearly strangers to me. I don't really have a personal investment in the generations following mine. That was an entirely deliberate choice. I can't say that my concern about climate change was the only reason I decided not to have children, but it definitely was a reason. I remember having a screaming argument with my then-boyfriend Dave, back in 1997 or 1998, where I was telling him that global warming was real & it was a huge threat to humanity & he literally laughed in my face. Then he got mad when I said I didn't want to have kids who were going to inherit a fucked-up planet from their irresponsible ancestors & live with the consequences of our deliberate inaction. Well, I stand by that decision. Re-electing Trump doesn't guarantee that we will destroy our planet via carbon dioxide, but it is a step in that direction.

I need to stop dwelling on this for now & get to work. Today, I have two jobs:

• I will not drink today, & I will support my friends who are also trying to stay sober.
  
• I will continue to do my small part on cleaning up our soil & groundwater.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, & the wisdom to know the difference. And help me to remember that, no matter the outcome of one election, You are still in control & all things will end up working to Your design, which is so much greater & more awesome than I could ever imagine. "But let justice roll down like water and righteousness like an ever-flowing stream." Amen.