Mother's Day, Southern style

In order to fulfill my duties as a daughter, I telephoned the Lil’ Lucy Woman yesterday for Mother’s Day. A portion of the conversation went thusly:

LLW: Your brother got me a really nice present.
AL: Oh really?
LLW: Yes – he bought me a pellet gun!
AL: ...
LLW: From Wal-Mart.
AL: Mom, why do you need a pellet gun?
LLW: I’m sick of those darn grackles eating all the birdseed I put out for the song birds! Now I can shoot them from the back porch!
AL: Let’s review for a moment … you put out birdseed?
LLW: Yes.
AL: Specifically to attract birds?
LLW: Yes!
AL: And when they come near the back porch, you’re going to shoot them? Why is this a good idea again?
LLW: Honey, grackles aren’t birds! They’re varmints!
AL: I think a pellet gun is a bit of an overkill response.
LLW: Well, I talked to my mom today & she says Daddy uses a shotgun on the blackbirds that steal from his feeders!
AL: Mom, you still having trouble getting your vision corrected?
LLW: A little bit.
AL: Well, it would be sporting of you to at least warn Dad not to wear black in the backyard.