Update on my political disagreements with my husband.

[angledge]

I should've written this two weeks ago. I had a huge crying blowout with A*, not long after I posted my last post here. I more-or-less spewed that rant at him, particularly the part where I said that it hurt to know he didn't believe in climate change. He was... bewildered, to put it mildly. And he stopped me in my tracks by pointing out that he had never heard my arguments on climate change... because we have an agreement in our marriage that we do not discuss politics.

I felt a little stupid at that point.

So then I said, I would like to tell you why I believe in climate change & why it's the major driver of my voting decisions. But in the interest of fairness, is there a single topic that you think I'm misunderstanding that you would want to explain to me? And he said, I'm not trying to change you.

I felt a little horrible at that point.

We do have an agreement - no politics. He's abiding by it & I'm not. He knows I don't share his views & he loves me anyway. Why am I struggling so much to embrace that same attitude?

Comments

[altamira16]

I am seeing marriages where people differ politically on major issues, but I am skeptical of that path as various folks keep making my ability to live on planet earth a political issue. I think we can differ on more minor issues, but the major ones are important.

You are struggling to embrace the same attitude because the people who can be indifferent to politics are not the people being asked to suffer the consequences of outcomes of the political stances. If there was a law in effect that said, "Yes, women can now hunt men for sport and get $5 for every ear that they bring back," surely he would want to talk to SOMEONE about it.

At which point you would say, "Sorry, there are no political discussions in our marriage."

[angledge]

I agree that it's easier to abide by a no-politics-discussion rule when your major voting drivers are economic or something else less personal. I have pointed out the consequences that may be coming for queer & trans people by naming names of my friends, people he knows. He says I'm catastrophizing. And then the not-allowed-anyway political discussion ends. I have pointed out that tariffs on Mexico & expelling 10 million people will cause food prices to skyrocket & he says I don't know that is what will happen. And then the not-allowed-anyway political discussion ends!

More & more, I have realized that I can't ever point to an example of where I successfully changed anyone's mind on any political issue, ever. I don't seem to have the gift of persuasive argument. So, with the understanding that it is Mission Fucking Impossible to bring our political views into alignment, I have had to decide - over & over again - that my marriage is still a good idea. And - it absolutely is. We are a really great couple, we adore each other, we uplift each other, we function well together. So I'm not going to torch the cornerstone relationship in my life because I can't win an unwinnable fight.

I'll keep donating to my causes, I will keep working for my local election board to make sure the voting process is intact, & I'll keep offsetting his vote with mine.

[altamira16]

If he is not participating in grocery shopping, consider having him do some of it. Ask him how much eggs were every week.

[angledge]

Because I want to start a fight every week. "The price of eggs" is a politically-laden phrase.

Instead, I will keep reviewing our monthly expenditures on all groceries, which we have always done.