international man of wackiness, also my boss

[angledge]

My manager is a crazy Englishman named Des. And I do mean crazy. One small example: he's given all of us fighter pilot names, which he uses in preference to our real names. In case you're wondering, I'm Alpha Lemur. He's Chowder. I usually call him Mr. Chowder, to maintain a properly respectful employer-employee relationship.

I mentioned to Des today that I'm considering holding a Robert Burns supper at Chateau Greyskull (I haven't told him the name of my house yet; I'm afraid it would only lead to me being assigned a new fighter pilot name, most likely She-Ra). He said, "Well if you do have one, you should incorporate spiders into the decor. I remember an anecdote from primary school regarding Robert Burns, that once when he was trapped in a cave he saw a spider climbing up a thread, & it inspired him to continue his struggles no matter what the odds."

"That was Robert the Bruce, not Robert Burns," I replied. "Robert the Bruce was a king of Scotland in the 14th century. Robert Burns was a drunken Scottish poet from much later."

"Indeed he was, Alpha Lemur. But you did not let me complete my thought. You see, I am envisioning a combined theme party, with elements of poetry, drinking, spiders, kingship, Sassanach-whacking, history, & perhaps polecat-hunting, in a fantastic tapestry spanning centuries of Scottish history. Alpha Lemur ... you need to start thinking outside of the box."

And with that he spun on his heel & marched into his office. With my stapler. He steals my stapler at least three times a week. He's also a pen thief.

Edit: This post is now officially designated DesWorld Dispatch #0.

DesWorld Dispatch #0.5.

Comments

[vulgarbarbarian.livejournal.com]

Can you give me Des' email address? I need to tell him that your proper fighter pilot name should be "Snot Monkey."

*static crackle crackle*

[angledge.livejournal.com]

Sorry, Stamford, we did not copy your last, over.

[effrontery.livejournal.com]

I was just thinking the other day I'd like to try and host a Burns supper here. Maybe I'll try and steal some of his ideas!

[marasca.livejournal.com]

Definitely steal the spiders. Everyone loves spiders, right?

[dancingsaracen.livejournal.com]

Could you staple the pens to your desk?

[seolta.livejournal.com]

bahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

ooops.... that almost upset the recovery position! I am currently holding my head very still in an effort to convince my stomach there are no ill effects from a Monkey night... 3 pints of guinness and 3 bucas - am an old lady now i should know better!

so jealous

[angledge.livejournal.com]

Buca run! Monkey!

[mrbigsteve.livejournal.com]

And I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were married, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire...

[angledge.livejournal.com]

My stapler really is a Swingline. If they give me a Boston stapler, I'll, I'll, well I'll really have no choice.

[funkyplaid.livejournal.com]

*howls with laughter*

I wish this guy was my dad. Or my child.