Mother's Day, Southern style

[angledge]

In order to fulfill my duties as a daughter, I telephoned the Lil’ Lucy Woman yesterday for Mother’s Day. A portion of the conversation went thusly:

LLW: Your brother got me a really nice present.
AL: Oh really?
LLW: Yes – he bought me a pellet gun!
AL: ...
LLW: From Wal-Mart.
AL: Mom, why do you need a pellet gun?
LLW: I’m sick of those darn grackles eating all the birdseed I put out for the song birds! Now I can shoot them from the back porch!
AL: Let’s review for a moment … you put out birdseed?
LLW: Yes.
AL: Specifically to attract birds?
LLW: Yes!
AL: And when they come near the back porch, you’re going to shoot them? Why is this a good idea again?
LLW: Honey, grackles aren’t birds! They’re varmints!
AL: I think a pellet gun is a bit of an overkill response.
LLW: Well, I talked to my mom today & she says Daddy uses a shotgun on the blackbirds that steal from his feeders!
AL: Mom, you still having trouble getting your vision corrected?
LLW: A little bit.
AL: Well, it would be sporting of you to at least warn Dad not to wear black in the backyard.

Comments

[effrontery.livejournal.com]

That whole conversation is f-ing hilarious!!

Thanks!

[angledge.livejournal.com]

I will admit that it is not a perfect transcript. I did take a few writer's liberties with the conversation, but overall, that's what I said & what she said.

The South has assimilated my family. Woe, woe unto me!

Corrections from the 'rents

[angledge.livejournal.com]

Spider-Dad read this entry, but sent me his comment in an email instead of posting it, for he is not yet wise in the ways of blogging. A transcript:

[ang] So here's a link to my LiveJournal post regarding her pellet gun purchase ... disclaimer: yes, I did take a few "artistic liberties" with the conversation. But I think the spirit of the whole exchange is authentically captured.
[Spider-Dad] Ty didn't get her the BB pistol for Mothers Day -- I DID.
[ang] Like I said .... creative liberties!! However, that makes you twice as insane. You KNOW how bad her eyesight is. AND you're going to be in vicinity when she's using it. Bright colors, Daddyo. Wear lots of bright colors.
[Spider-Dad] You worry too much, dot. I've set her up a target and I heard her plunking away this afternoon. What color of bird would you like us to shoot for you?

[gravitygirl07.livejournal.com]

I love your icon beyond words.