Mother's Day, Southern style

[angledge]

In order to fulfill my duties as a daughter, I telephoned the Lil’ Lucy Woman yesterday for Mother’s Day. A portion of the conversation went thusly:

LLW: Your brother got me a really nice present.
AL: Oh really?
LLW: Yes – he bought me a pellet gun!
AL: ...
LLW: From Wal-Mart.
AL: Mom, why do you need a pellet gun?
LLW: I’m sick of those darn grackles eating all the birdseed I put out for the song birds! Now I can shoot them from the back porch!
AL: Let’s review for a moment … you put out birdseed?
LLW: Yes.
AL: Specifically to attract birds?
LLW: Yes!
AL: And when they come near the back porch, you’re going to shoot them? Why is this a good idea again?
LLW: Honey, grackles aren’t birds! They’re varmints!
AL: I think a pellet gun is a bit of an overkill response.
LLW: Well, I talked to my mom today & she says Daddy uses a shotgun on the blackbirds that steal from his feeders!
AL: Mom, you still having trouble getting your vision corrected?
LLW: A little bit.
AL: Well, it would be sporting of you to at least warn Dad not to wear black in the backyard.

Comments

[ataralas.livejournal.com]

My father and I always longed for one to harass the squirrels in our yard and the chihauhau next door, damn yappy dog...however, my mother rightly pointed out that when one lives on about 1/6th of an acre of land, any sort of gun is a bad idea.

[angledge.livejournal.com]

Stick to slingshots.

[ataralas.livejournal.com]

Acorns are perfect, we found. Collect them in the fall like the squirrels themselves then chuck them at the bastards all summer long.

[sskipstress.livejournal.com]

I lived in a house where 3 deer frequented the back yard. I subletted a room to a hunter. It really bothered him that he couldn't kill the deer in the back yard because the city ordinances prohibited it and the layout of the land meant he couldn't do it without being seen. So he nailed them with a paintball gun. Pink spotted deer. They jump straight up and shriek when they get hit by a paintball.

[ataralas.livejournal.com]

AWESOME!