[special filter] Looking the gift horse right in the fucking mouth.

[angledge]

OK, this is angledge being really, really uncharitable. Time to vent a little bit about jacesan.

Background: I met jacesan in July 2005 at the ljdq Pub Crawl. I got super-drunk that evening, & I was flirting with him. He asked for my phone number & I gave it to him, & in the next few weeks we went out on two dates. The dates weren't that great, & his behavior was kind of weird (as a f'instance, he called me up drunk one night & told me all about his time in jail) (I have such great taste in men), so I met up with him & told him I wasn't interested in going out again. I met la chica at about the same time.

Since then, jacesan has been one of the top commenters on my LJ, & he specializes in extremely complimentary, flattering, fawning commentary. Now, don't get me wrong, a girl likes to hear a bit of praise every now & again.
But
there
is
a
point
where
flattery
... starts to become cloying (edit: or downright scary). On top of this, remember how he gave me that really weird gift last autumn - a bust of Katchoo from Strangers in Paradise? That was an expensive gift. I don't feel that this is normal behavior towards someone with whom you went out on two dates.

He's also donated $475 to my triathlon fundraiser. Holy shit. I'm deeply grateful for the contributions, but deeply suspicious about the motivation. I feel HORRIBLE for questioning someone's generosity, but when combined with all his other actions, it makes me feel uncomfortable. I feel that, because he knows I won't ignore anyone who makes a contribution, that he is buying my attention.

Added freaky-deaky: jacesan has subscribed to an EPA mailing list that lets him know where I'm working when I'm on emergency responses. It was after he told me this that I de-friended him. Call me paranoid, but it made me uncomfortable that he would know when I was working on sites as isolated as the Zeibright Mine, & that he would have the site address.

When I de-friended him, he started posting disturbing song lyrics as his answers to the ljdq. His latest contribution:

Dying all the time
Lose your dreams
And you will lose your mind.
Aint life unkind?

I don't actually think that jacesan represents a danger to me. But he does make me uncomfortable, & he does cause me to heavily censor &/or filter what I post to my own damn LJ. Am I just being paranoid here or is he actually being strange?

Comments

Re: So what do you suggest I do?

[songquake.livejournal.com]

Should I send him an email that says something like, "I think you need to move on in your life & stop following my life so closely - please don't contact me any more, either through the internet or any other means?"

sending him an email saying just that would be good, though i might add that you specifically find the fact that he seems to be keeping tabs through the EPA list creepy. part of it, at least from my POV, is also the fact that if you leave him any room, he'll continue to think about you in terms of future possibilities -- i once had someone say "not now," when i asked him out, and that fueled my pathetic fantasies for years (though i never ended up stalking him -- he was my best friend at the time, and then we both came out...).

but since he seems to think that he's your friend, it might hurt him less, and become clearer what the fuck-up is, if you're specific. and if you state in the email that you will also not be responding to further comments, at least he'll know exactly where he stands. from there, any further actions he takes are clearly his own decision, and independent of any encouragement from you.

and while the stuff he's done all seems innocuous independently, it's the combination that is really ooky. i think that this is why most of the folks who have responded to your OP have reacted so strongly. sure, each individual bit is harmless, but when taken together, and especially since he's not someone you consider to be particularly close to you, it's a bit over-the-top.