Ang's Journal

So, I was home in Texas for all of five days & managed to sneak a day-long trip to Corpus in there. And while in Corpus, I did a sprint triathlon. This plan originated as a challenge between me & my brother weedweasel. But weedweasel got too busy with work this winter, & he decided to withdraw. I mocked him for this decision, then decided to go ahead & do the triathlon myself anyway.

I nearly didn't do this race in three different ways. First of all, at some point on Friday afternoon I misplaced my driver's license. I wasn't sure I would be able to pick up my race packet without it, but they took my FEMA ID without any trouble. One bullet dodged. We heard Dave Scott speak at the pre-race briefing - he was the guest of honor & sort of the Grand Marshal for the whole event. He is basically the uncrowned King of Triathlon & a bit of a personal hero, so that was pretty awesome.

Of course, after months & months of unrelenting drought, Friday night in Corpus featured a TORRENTIAL downpour, complete with intermittent thunder & lightning. While the increase in rain was definitely a good thing, I wasn't sure the race was even going to happen in the morning. Then, on Friday evening after we got to the hotel in CC, I dropped one of my contact lenses directly down the drain of the hotel sink. Happily, I was able to dismantle the U-bend underneath the sink & recover my lens. (I am sure this earned me the undying wrath of the hotel maintenance crew.) With some serious cleaning, it was fine.

When I got to the race on Saturday morning (at 6 AM), it wasn't actually raining. But it was overcast, so when the swim started just after 7 AM, it was DARK. Dark enough that spotting the buoys that marked the race course was rather difficult! But I managed to stay on course & I finished the swim very strong - actually, I was the fourth woman overall out of the water. I heard Dave Scott announcing my name ("Now exiting the water we have... Angela Ledgerwood!") & that was AWESOME. But during the bike portion of the race, it started to pour & visibility got pretty bad. At one point, a biker in front of me dropped her water bottle & I hit it, almost crashing (at 15 mph, that would have been painful to say the least). I am ashamed to say that the adrenaline shock of the near-crash actually did make me cry just a little bit - but it was raining so hard that no-one could tell, so that was all right. When I got off the bike & changed into my running shoes, I discovered that they were soaked & it felt like they each weighed ten pounds. The run was pretty much a disaster - I had been so nervous about crashing on the bike that I didn't drink enough electrolytes, so my legs cramped up something awful during the run. Despite that, I finished the run, with hotpantsgalore running with me for the last 500 yards or so. My final time was 1:50.51. About a month ago, I predicted a time of 1:52 - so hooray! I beat my prediction by one whole minute!

Overall, the experience was very good. I didn't really learn anything that I didn't already know - I am a better swimmer than most triathletes, & a terrible runner. Hydration is very important. My endurance needs some work. But I also got a race under my belt for the first time in a very long time. I had pretty awful Race Day conditions, & I still finished almost right on my prediction. I was able to train, even while working 60 hours a week & living in a hotel. So quite a few of my excuses (out of race practice, no time, traveling too much) for NOT doing this before have been blown up.

Here are my splits:

750-meter swim 0:14:44.680
T1 0:03:25.443
12.4-mile bike 0:50:47.850
T2 0:03:12.062
3.11-mile run 0:38:41.690
TOTAL 1:50:51.725

I think I need to pick my next race soon, before I get lazy again!

I just tweeted “Still haven't made any #resolutions for 2011. This is what is wrong with my life these days - no direction.”

Overlooking the obvious calendrical typo (etcet pointed it out in approximately 45 seconds), this is the biggest problem I’ve got right now. I am underutilized at work – but not particularly worried about it (whether or not that’s wise is another post altogether). I am doing a terrible job of preparing for next month’s triathlon in Corpus Christi. I am not cooking very frequently. I am not doing much volunteer work. I’m not even reading much new material.

A lot of the year has been consumed by money worries – not without reason, I may add. I am my family’s single income earner (outside of the seasonal peach bonanza) & have been for over three years. So it is with cause that I worried about every cent during 2011. This penny-pinching mentality definitely contributed to me pulling in my horns a bit – it’s not impossible to be outgoing, charitable, artistic, well-read, &/or athletic without spending money, but it is harder.

I have also developed a terrible habit of living through hotpantsgalore. She's working towards her graduate degree... & somehow that massive goal is my goal? I take pride in her accomplishments? While it's true that I am helping her make it through grad school (see earlier, "my family's single income earner"), this does not mean that her accomplishments are mine to claim. And yet I feel that I have submerged any desires of my own beneath the generalized idea of "just keep everything together until June 2013, when we will become a two-income family again". But that's no way to live - especially not for five years (2008-2013).

I think that the problem is a lack of long-term goals. Where do I want to be in five years? Ten years? I have said repeatedly over the last few years that I threw away my crystal ball because trying to predict where my life was going was impossible. Perhaps this was a poor decision. When I stopped trying to predict, did I also stop trying to influence or even control where my own life is going? If I've abdicated that responsibility, should I be surprised that I am adrift?