Free-range kids.

[angledge]

hotpantsgalore & I have a neighbor, who I will call V*. V* is six years old. She lives with her mom in an apartment near ours. V* is what I call a free-range kid - her mom doesn't keep her under supervision 24 hours a day. She roams around our apartment complex pretty freely - in fact, many would say too freely. Anyway, she's really friendly with me & HPG - OK, the truth is she's in love with Shadeaux. V* was on our balcony the other day & saw another one of our neighbors. She shouted down to her, "Hi Monique! I'm over here playing at Shadeaux's house!" Out of the mouths of babes...

V* will strike up a conversation with anyone & everyone, & she knows a surprisingly high percentage of the folks who live in this complex. However, she does have a disconcerting habit of following people back to their apartments & inviting herself in. She doesn't seem to have any rules on doing this - for example, she tried to invite herself into my next door neighbor's apartment. He's a thirtysomething guy who lives alone. I happen to know he's a completely lovable & totally harmless upstanding citizen, but he could've been a predator. V* makes no distinctions - & she doesn't seem to check back in with her mom before taking off. HPG & I have made a habit of either calling over to V's mom from the balcony ("Hey N*, your daughter's at our place!") or texting her to let her know. But I don't think everyone does this.

V's behavior has caused some fascinating conversations between the residents at my complex. Arguments fly about the proper amount of supervision, the likelihood that V* will end up getting kidnapped, what responsibilities (if any) we have as neighbors to watch over kids or complain to parents. I think it's interesting that just by being around & being the way she is, V* is causing a community to coalesce around her. I know more of my neighbors because V* has introduced us. I've had conversations & exchanged cell phone numbers with several of them so we can work together to keep an eye on her. If it takes a village to raise a child, then I guess I'm being a villager?

HPG & I enjoy V's visits as long as they are kept short. But aspects of them are HILARIOUS. She LOVES Shadeaux, & expresses her love by wrapping Shadeaux in blankets, giving her smothering six-year-old hugs, pulling on her tail, trying to make her do tricks - in short, hassling her. Shadeaux has had to learn to play politely with her & I think it is a great socialization opportunity. But really, I love seeing our puppy getting hassled - it's revenge for all her antics! V* also took care of announcing in no uncertain terms to the whole world the nature of HPG & my relationship when she grabbed a Pride flag off our bookshelf & starting waving it vigorously on the balcony one day. She followed that up with a one-kid Pride parade in the parking lot, marching around with the flag in one hand & Shadeaux's leash in the other.

I'm not a parent, so I am very hesitant to offer strong opinions on child-rearing. That being said, I'm probably more in the free-range camp of child management than the Helicopter Parent camp. My own experience growing up was being left waaaay off-leash, & learning a lot therefore (lessons learned included: Consequences of Arson, How To Walk Two Miles Home on a Twisted Ankle, & Fighting in Small Unarmed Groups). I've heard all the arguments that times have changed, the world is less safe than it was, & yet... I still think that V* is having a happier childhood, roaming around our complex, meeting lots of different kinds of people, trying to teach Shadeaux how to roll over, than she would if she was stuck in front of the TV in a one-bedroom apartment all the time. Yes, being outside puts her at greater risk of getting hit by a car, or drowning in the complex's swimming pool, or - God forbid - getting assaulted by a predator. But how likely are those scenarios - especially since there are eyes on many balconies & ears at many doors that are keeping at least a loose watch on her? I think her mom N* would be smart to teach V* a few rules - don't go into someone's house until your mom has met them & said it's OK seems like a sane limit. And I plan to offer to teach her how to swim, once the water in the pool is warm enough. I've also heard many people giving V* advice on how to approach strange dogs, & now she does it right (quietly, moving slowly, offering hand for a sniff first).

So it's a question of trying to weigh the many small benefits of letting a kid out to experience the world against the frightfully awful - but hopefully very unlikely - possible consequences. It's human nature to focus on horrible things, no matter how improbable they are. It's harder to think about small, daily miracles, like a six-year-old leading a puppy in a Pride parade.

Comments

Free-ranging

[(Anonymous)]

My sister and I were also free-range as kids in Washington DC. We hung out with the neighborhood gang, like lots of other posters have mentioned. And like Ang we learned important lessons like How to Play Spin the Bottle, Setting Fire to Aerosol Cans, and Making Hidey Holes Under Abandoned Cars. We all knew to never approach a stranger's car and we looked out for each other. The safety of numbers is the key. In V's case, the watchful neighbors have partially replaced the safety of a gang kids. She probably is more at risk from a sexual predator, but then again, she's probably not playing with fire.

Re: Free-ranging

[angledge.livejournal.com]

Thanks Hawk! Your last sentence points out something important: every choice you make to protect the child from one threat possibly raises their exposure to another. If V's mom decided to keep her inside all the time, V* would be more likely to end up obese. If she played in a big gang of kids, she might get bullied or become a bully. Every path has its risks - that's just life.